"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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