TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
