Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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