the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
