Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
