ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
