i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
