I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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