Will you blow on my dice?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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