So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
