she woke up with a sticky ear
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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