you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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