You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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