i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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