..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
