i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
