I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
