So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
