we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
