I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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