It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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