Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
