Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
