Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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