i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
