I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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