I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
