So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
