I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
