zippers are such a cool invention
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
