I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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