I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
