I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
