And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
