I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
