she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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