put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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