Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
wow bdsm is so cute
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
