So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
