Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
