beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
