I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
