I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
