I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
