is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
