i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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