Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
