i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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