I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
