Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
