Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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