i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
